If you find yourself in the market for a job this year, you’ll probably come across some sensationalist job titles in your search, thanks to creative (or unbelievably bored) recruitment agents disguising everyday positions as fantastical – even mythical – opportunities. Here’s a collection of our favourites to look out for this year…
1. Talent Delivery Specialist (Recruiter)
Yep, the ones directly responsible for all the outlandish job descriptions in the first place! Their other titles include Talent Acquisition Specialists, Chief Talent Officers, Contingent Workforce Managers, Hybrid Recruiters, Talent Scouts, Talent Identification Managers and Talent Attraction Consultants… to name a few.
2. Transparency Enhancement Facilitator (Window Cleaner)
Nothing misleading here, folks! These fearless sky-high, rope-dangling professional cleaners are directly responsible for enhancing the transparency of your office windows. Because really, who wants to stare at a computer all day when you can gaze out the window for sweeping views of the CBD?
3. Director of First Impressions (Receptionist)
Without a doubt, front office receptionists have a big responsibility when it comes to welcoming clients, partners, board members, job applicants and potential investors. They are the first point of contact for many stakeholders and need to be on their best behaviour at all times – not facebook!
4. Master of Disaster (Crisis Manager)
The title given to someone whose job it is to metaphorically extinguish fires and fix public relations crises. In the case of Gordon Ballinger (former Mapinfo employee) however, the fire was not a fire at all, but an ice storm that hit upstate New York, leaving thousands of people without power. Ballinger helped authorities obtain detailed maps of certain areas, then overlaid them with power-grid information from the electric company to establish who was in greatest need of electricity. Onya, Gordo!
5. Digital Prophet (Technology Forecaster)
This may not actually be a job title outside of AOL, but it certainly exists and keeps David Shing (a.k.a Shingy) in a job, attempting to predict technology trends for the multinational mass media corporation. Most of his working day is spent hypothesising about the future of the ever-changing online environment. Oh, the things we could think if we were paid to hypothesise!
6. Director of Fundom (Marketing Manager)
As media technologist Josh Dreller points out, who wouldn’t want to work for the Director of Fundom?! But would you really trust them to steward a multi-million dollar marketing budget? Too much fun and not enough adulting leads to blown out budgets and nasty office hangovers! Striking a balance between fun and management is a necessary evil.
7. Dream Alchemist (Head of Creative)
Companies often underestimate the amount of time Graphic Designers and creative professionals spend working ‘in their head’, which might not amount to a lot on paper in the early stages, but it’s these dreams that can (eventually) turn into highly lucrative global marketing campaigns. For this reason, we salute all the hard-working creatives out there – your contribution is paramount! May your job titles be as creative as your work.
8. Computer Whisperer (ICT/Critical Equipment Cleaning Professional)
Ok, so we made this one up, but we reckon our Computer Cleaning Technicians should be called Computer Whisperers. They use patented anti-bacterial products and procedures on office and ICT equipment to address health and safety in the workplace, ensure optimum equipment performance, reduce illness through cross contamination and position companies as employers of choice. Book a free computer cleaning demonstration and we’ll send one of our highly-skilled Professional Computer Whisperers your way!
9. Director of Bean-Counting (Accountant)
Beans, dosh, dough, cashola, bucks, chips, moola, quid, smackeroos and wads – whatever you call the stuff, accountants make it their business to keep tabs on it – literally. The accountant stereotype does no justice for the recruitment of young, fresh talent to the industry, so if calling themselves Bean-Counters spices things up a little, we’re all for it!
10. Software Ninjaneer (Software Engineer)
Another spectacular (although deserving) title for a dexterous expert that builds and fixes computer software… when for the rest of us just configuring an out of office email can turn into a full day’s work.
11. Colon Lover (Copywriter/Editor)
Colonic irrigation is all the rage these days, but that’s not the kind of colon we’re referring to. Also known as Grammar Fascists or Aspiring Novelists, this type of Colon Lover writes, edits and critiques the written word. Not exactly the title you’d want on your LinkedIn profile, but it’s sure to raise some eyebrows at networking events.
12. Captain Underappreciated (Office Manager)
“Damn straight!”, we hear Sydney’s Office Managers holler in unison. The wearer of too many hats to cram into a single job title, Office Managers are some of the most underappreciated staff around. Perhaps this unique job title will be a reminder of this for all those underappreciative office offenders.
13. VP of Idea Stalling (CEO)
While we’re sure nobody actually promotes this position as vacant, there are undoubtedly some visionary employees out there who are constantly faced with a barrage of “NO’s” from CEOs and CFOs who won’t buy into their ideas. Don’t give up hope, Idea Smiths! It’s a new year, try pitching from a new angle?!